Satirical

by Diva Rici



Spring and Cleaning

What do you do to shake off the gloomy, too mucky outside to do anything days? What do you do if you are troubled and working it out in your mind? What do you do before every single major holiday and season change? I clean. For whatever reason, I clean! Nothing is safe, even the guinea pigs get a cloth bath. BooBoo Kitty gets "the eye" too. I clean everything I can remotely reach or spy using military style on the back looking up and scoot maneuver! Yep, I clean like a freak, except one tiny "room." One itty bitty teensy little "room"... my closet. Actually, two since I do have my own room for crafts, computers, books and writing. No one wants to see what is behind either door!

I don't know about you, but I fear if I ever got to the very back of the closet or saw the entire floor, I'd be flushing out Jimmy Hoffa or the Missing Link. I have not seen those places since I moved here ten years ago. It wouldn't be so bad but what I stored in there can only be dated "PC" - pre-condo. I didn't know what was in some of those boxes in the first place, back then. So, off to a closet they went! Eventually I will get them sorted out.

As the days of Spring loom on the horizon, I am in Spring Clean Mode. Not the weekly or monthly kind, it's that manic seasonal kind. It used to be weekly to monthly but we live in a "kid free zone" now. Visitors can be easily recovered with a half hour clean up once they have gone or an hour for the grandkids. Not too bad, eh?

I just spent about fifty dollars on cleaning supplies today. How crazy is that? Things to clean, disinfect, smell pretty, kill odors and viruses, wipe, scrub, de-lime, de-dull, and wash just about anything with. Oh, and some moth balls to smash and protect my Lilly garden collection outside from the neighbor's cat. It stinks but works great! Seriously, they hate it. That's another story though. Why anyone would put them in with their clothes is beyond me. Ditto for furs since real people wear fake fur and my furry pets don't need them for sure. Moths and all...hmmn... never saw one here.

If you need to clean your garden beds of visiting cats, try the moth balls, crunched and scattered. You save a lot of time not cleaning up outside too. My cat got smart, he stays clear of anything that stinks up his feet. He also seems to stay clear of me if I am in the mood to clean and there's nothing else to do but closets and I am not going there. It's like he knows, he could be next. He is sixteen years old. We are used to each other. It's a known deal - we will not leave anything icky on the floor for each other to step in.

I would not say I am a compulsive cleaner. It takes me quite awhile or split seconds to decide what I am going to tackle and I go nuts getting it done. Seriously, it's like picking my battles wisely. Wait until no one expects it and I am reasonably sure there will be no pop in visitors. I contemplate all surfaces, ceiling to floors and wall to wall. What can I do that will not need done again until Summer or next Spring?

I was a working mom for a very long time so multi-tasking is my game. It allows me a lot more time to do my favorite things later. Nothing and more of it. Nothing that interests anyone but me that is. Only people who had four teenagers and two jobs can really appreciate the "do nothing time" you get when they are grown and gone. You get that small satisfaction mid-infant and is a lost art by the teen years, but it is a whole other ball game once they are grown and the only messes you clean are your own. My husband is obnoxiously clean, neurotically so. Makes me nuts. He helps better than most husbands but it takes him days to do what I can do in 8 hours max. Makes me nuts and he does not touch my collections at all. Any of them, which is a good thing!

Why do we collect things? I have 20 different collections at least. They all need cleaning, from ceilings to floor in every room. If anyone knows an effective way to clean stuffed bears, I have a Boyd's and Friends collection of furry folk like you'd not believe and they all need to be cleaned! I am only good at surfaces that can be shined, scrubbed, hand or machine washed or smell good at least. I have two curios full of collections, items I treasure behind their glass, the yearly or less items. Framed photos range somewhere around 100. I'm not kidding. All sizes, all need cleaning. I have already tossed out or given away everything I intend to for a long while. Why so much crystal and blown glass? Hello... this is California - earthquake country. Blown glass dragons? Yep, a dozen or so. Glass and crystal, candle sconces, even my China. I am happy to report I have never suffered serious loss to an earthquake.

I have made the biggest mess and clutter you ever saw in my manic clean mode! I go at anything in no particular order except drying time and counter space available. All knick knacks have been soaked to clean and drip dry - this is a whole bottle of super sized Cinch job. Then when it looks like everything is dry, I put them all back where they go and then tidy up, dump the trash bags by the door, put the laundry away, vacuum, wipe down the floor by the door with the last of the paper towels and head for the dumpster. I am either the cleanest or most wasteful person I know. I sure go through the paper towels and "spritzing" stuff. I do recycle them and clean floors and icky places with those soaked from the Cinch bath the knick knacks got. I use a laundry room that costs more to wash cleaning rags than several rolls of the heavy duty - good stuff paper towels.

By the end of the day, I am happy with the way everything looks. The house is aired out (rain or shine - it is open every day) I look at all my collections, my pretties, and the windows and blinds. The wood furniture, odd little corners you can only see laying on the floor looking up. All the pictures gleam and I have renewed my relationship with every treasure. My piggies are very glad the most they see is a warm wash cloth! Kind of like the cat times five. They are easier to catch for it though.

I look at all the china I have had since I was sixteen. It's tempting to wash it just to revisit them, but... I am beat. The Swiffer Lady could come Swiffer her way through my place anytime! I have Whip It by Devo for her to dance to and dust all she wants!

Happy Spring time one and all. I've run out of things to do but I am looking at my new monitor. Too bad I am out of Cinch and the last of the spritzing stuff is just for fabric, I think. I might be able to muster up a few more swipes... I am now too tired. So the pets and china are safe as I am spent; way too much so to clean the closets. Maybe by Summer or next Spring? Truthfully, I'll probably move again first.

Rici

PS: I have Rheumatoid and FM, I can tell when a flare is about to hit and how bad, by my sudden need to clean at all hours. I'd be interested in knowing how many people have these and go through it. So far it's just three people. It must be a lot like the "nesting" thing we women do just before our baby arrives. Don't forget to share your "how to" on cleaning stuffed non-washable bears too! Write me with some helpful hints! Please!


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